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i can be so stupid at times..

i never thought i will survive this hell of a week.. i am so stressed out.. physically, mentally and emotionally..

i need to do this and that but i can't finish the task on time or more often than not, i find myself wasting my time doing other things. i am the queen of procastination.

i wish i was someone like you...


but i am just me.

i am starting to hate myself....

*saying things i never really meant
*doing things i never really want to do
*hurting other people
*hurting myself...


gusto kong manood ng gig to 'escape' from these shits kahit panandalian lang..

music's one of the few things that kept me sane.. ang panonood ng gig is escape from reality.. i seem to forget the worries in my mind when i attend gigs.. yung feeling na "i just don't give a damn.".. kaya siguro it's one of the things that cannot be separated frome me.. i am just thankful that my parents are letting me watch some concerts.. specially my dad who's always accompanying me in watching concerts and i am glad that i have friends that i can be with..

escape.. runaway... i always run away......................

what a loser...

runaway loser...

i have to use my logic.. i have so many things to do.. i have no time to lament over things and let my emotions take the best of me..


i am missing the better part of my life everytime i make simple things complicated..


this is one of those times when you just think of the things you've done... and reflect on them..there are things that i really meant to do.. asshole na kung asshole.. it's better be an asshole than a hypocrite.. pero, i dunno..

there is this situation kasi in our CL class.. and i hate what i've said.. napaka-idealistic ko kasing tao.. if ever may classmate akong nagbabasa nito, remember when i said "i dont attach myself to material things..".. that's an understatement.. it should be "i am trying so freakin' hard not to attach myself to material things.." and ung tungkol sa "2nd chance".. after kung sabihin yun.. naisip ko lang na meron akong kaibigan na hindi ko binigyan ng pagkakataon... hindi ko alam.. naguguluhan ako........hanggang ngayon.. gusto ko na lang tumakbo.. takasan ang mga pangyayari.... mahirap kasing masaktan.... napakahina ko.... loser...

nagiging idealistic nanaman ako... im trying to take back all the wrong things that i have done.. pero hindi ganyan ang buhay camille...

what's been done cannot be undone..
what's been said cannot be unsaid..

so as much as possible, dapat hindi ka magkakamali.....

yan ang sabi sakin ni mama...

the moment i finish typing this sh*t, everything will be back to normal.. i just dont want to let this moment pass when i want to spill the things running in my head... and in my heart.. this is the only time that i can escape from tons of school work and let my mind rest from all the formulas, assignemnts, projects...

i need rest.. everyone of us do..


what's the worst thing that i can do?
what's the worst thing that i can say?


i want to share something.. i didn't make this one but Migy Leaan Rimes did.. not exactly her... pero it's her song... the girls who's gifted with words.. here it goes..

soon as the mountains turn to rivers

soon as the sea turns into sand

soon as the sun comes up at midnight

that's how soon when all the hurt will end

but 'till then

i'll just pretend that i'll be over.. over..

i keep telling myself i'll forget you someday..

soon..

he wrote this during our CL class.. when we got nothing better to do because we are just too stubborn to listen to the discussion... he wrote it on my notebook..






tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace